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my screen play - I want some constructive critisim

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my screen play - I want some constructive critisim

Postby babygirl_lace » Mon Aug 22, 2005 3:38 am

ok this is going to be a long one - but I hope you guys like it :wink:


GLAMOUROUS LIFE - CAST OF CHARACTERS

LUCY

JULES

ANDREW

LUCY'S MOM

IAN - (YOUNG BOY)


GLAMOUROUS LIFE - STORY LINE

LUCY ASPIRED TO BE AN ACTRESS AS A CHILD. BUT NOW THAT IS ON THE BACK BURNER AND SHE HAS A HOUSE, CARS, A JOB AS A CHILD CARE WORKER, A BOYFRIEND WHO HAS A YOUNG SON. TOGETHER THEY'RE THE PICTURE PERFECT FAMILY AND SHE'S BEEN SO HAPPY TO 'PLAY' HOUSE. BUT SOMEWHERE ALONG THE WAY, THINGS STARTED TO FALL APART...LUCY STARTS TO REALIZE THAT THE EVERYTHING SHE EVER WANTED IS NOT EVERYTHING SHE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE AND IS TEMPTED BY A NUMBER OF THINGS. LUCY MUST DECIDE BETWEEN THE LIFE AND FAMILY SHE'S ALREADY BUILT AND THE DREAM SHE'S BEEN CHASING SINCE SHE WAS LITTLE GIRL...OR IS IT POSSIBLE FOR HER TO HAVE BOTH?







THE GLAMOUROUS LIFE


LUCY - VOICE OVER
(YOU SEE A GIRL IN A HAMMOCK-SHE HOLDS A NOTEBOOK THAT HAS THE WORDS GLAMOUROUS LIFE, WRITTEN ON IT BOLD LETTERING. SHE IS STARING OFF INTO SPACE, YOU CAN TELL SHE HAS A LOT GOING ON IN HER HEAD)

"TO THINK THAT AFTER ALL THIS TIME, I HAVEN'T RUNAWAY, COMMITTED SUICIDE OR BEEN COMMITTED MYSELF, IS PRETTY IMPRESSIVE, BECAUSE, THERE ARE DAYS THAT ANY OF THOSE WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER THEN LIVING THIS LIFE. I DON'T GET WHAT THE BIG DEAL ABOUT LIFE IS ANYWAYS? IT HASN'T TURNED OUT TO ANYTHING WHAT I PLANNED. I INTENDED TO BE MARRIED BY NOW, WITH A CHILD OF MY OWN EITHER HERE OR ON THE WAY. I HAD IT ALL MAPPED OUT! ANDREW SAYS I HAVE THOSE THINGS...THAT WE ARE KIND OF MARRIED SINCE WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR SO LONG AND HIS SON IAN IS MINE. (BUT HE'S NOT) ANDREW THINKS I DON'T APPRECIATE WHAT WE HAVE TOGETHER. (PAN TO BLUE HOUSE) WE LIVE IN THIS BIG BLUE HOUSE WITH WHITE WINDOWS AND THREE GARAGES. OUTSIDE IS MY FAVORITE THOUGH. WE HAVE ALMOST A FULL ACRE LOT IT'S SO PEACFUL AND BEAUTIFUL, EXCEPT FOR THE TRAINS. AND THE DITCHES OUT BACK FLOOD EVERYTIME IT RAINS, I LIKE TO CALL IT MY 'RIVER FRONT PROPERTY' CAUSE SOMEDAYS IT COULD BE A RIVER IN IT'S SELF. THERE IS ALSO THIS HAMMOCK I LIKE TO SIT IN AND SWING JUST TO THINK ABOUT STUFF AND WE HAVE A DOG MORGAN WHO JUST LIES AROUND OUT BACK. IT'S EVERYTHING I REALLY WANTED. BUT LATELY I AM IN THIS DISPAIR, THIS WHIRLWIND OF CONFUSION BECAUSE YEARS AGO WHEN I FIRST MET ANDREW, MY PRAYERS AND DREAMS WERE BEING ANSWERED...BUT IN ALL HONESTY, IAM NOT HAPPY AT ALL."



FADE TO - FRIENDS HOUSE
JULES AND LUCY STAND TOGETHER IN HER KITCHEN WHILE JULES MIXES A COUPLE OF DRINKS - (VODKA SEVENS)

LUCY -

"GOD JULES, I FEEL LIKE A SEQUENCE FROM Eternal Sunshine...LIKE EVERYTHING IS FADING AND VANISHING ONE PORTION AT A TIME GOOD OR BAD BUT UNLIKE Jim Carrey'S CHARACTER, I AM DOING NOTHING TO STOP IT."


JULES -

"THEN YOU MUST NOT REALLY WANT IT ANYMORE LUCY."

LUCY - HELPLESSLY

"I DO! BUT I AM JUST SO DAMN TIRED. TIRED OF FIGHTING WITH HIM, TIRED OF BEING THE ONE WHO HAS TO MAKE ALL THE CHANGES AND ADJUSTMENTS. (STARTS TO CRY SOFTLY) ALL I THINK ABOUT IS WHEN IS IT MY TURN? MY TURN TO LIVE? TO ASK FOR THE THINGS I WANT WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY...I ALWAYS FEEL GUILTY JULES!"

JULES - DERTERMINED TO GET LUCY TO UNDERSTAND

"LUCY, SOMETIMES IT ISN'T ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT OR HOW YOU FEEL, IT'S ABOUT WHAT YOU NEED. ANDY LOVES YOU RIGHT? WELL THEN, WHERE IS HE IN ALL OF THIS? WHY IS IT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU AND WHAT YOU NEED TO FIX AND CHANGE, HOW COME IT IS NEVER ABOUT HIM? GUILT OR NO GUILT SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO JUST DO WHAT YOU FEEL IS BEST FOR YOU AND FORGET ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE. IF ANDY CAN'T GET IT TOGETHER FOR YOU THE WAY YOU WANT AND GET OVER HIMSELF AND START SHOWING YOU SOME REAL LOVE WITH THE AMBITION BEHIND IT TO KEEP YOU, THEN I THINK YOU HAVE YOUR ANSWER MY DEAR."

LUCY -

"BUT I LOVE HIM JULES! HOW DO YOU JUST WALK AWAY FROM FOUR AND HALF YEARS OF LOVE? YOU DON'T, YOU CAN'T IT'S NOT HUMANLY POSSIBLY."

JULES -
"AND YOUR PARENTS? WHAT WAS IT, LIKE TWENTY-EIGHT YEARS BEFORE THEY THREW IN THE TOWEL."

LUCY -

"THAT'S DIFFERENT. THEY WEREN'T HAPPY."

JULES - SARCASTICALLY

"AND YOU'RE LOOKING SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW."

LUCY - STILL SOBBING BUT IRRITATED

"I DONT KNOW WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME? I DONT KNOW WHAT ANYONE WANTS FROM ME. I AM JUST ME. I WORK SO HARD TO KEEP THINGS TOGETHER AND I TRY TO KEEP MYSELF FROM THINKING THAT I BELONG SOMEWHERE ELSE, BUT GODDAMNIT WHEN DO I GET BREAK? WHEN DO THINGS JUST NATURALLY START TO HAPPEN FOR ME...WHEN DO I STOP THINKING ABOUT EVERYTHING AND ANALYZING THE SHIT OUT OF EVERYTHING! WHEN IS IT MY TURN TO FEEL COMPLETE AND UDDER HAPPINESS?"

JULES - SITS DOWN BY LUCY ON THE COUCH AND WRAPS AN ARM AROUND HER

"YOU WILL LUCY, YOU WILL. I DON'T KNOW WHEN BUT I DO KNOW THAT YOU MAKE YOUR OWN HEAVEN HERE ON EARTH. YOU PAINT THE PICTURE OF HOW YOU WANT IT TO BE AND IT WILL BE. IF YOU WANT TO STAY WITH ANDY, THEN MAKE THE BEST OF IT, IF YOU WANT TO RUNAWAY AND FORGET EVERYTHING, THEN RUN LIKE HELL. I AM BEHIND YOU NO MATTER WHAT, BUT I CAN'T CREATE YOUR HAPPINESS FOR YOU, ONLY YOU CAN."

LUCY -

"I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY, TO LIVE WITH ANDY AND BE HAPPY...WHY CAN'T WE GET THAT? WHY CAN'T WE FIND OUR HAPPINESS THE WAY WE STARTED OUT? I WANT US TO GROW OLD TOGETHER...I WANT HIM TO BE WITH ME WHEN I WALK DOWN THE RED CARPET FOR THE FIRST TIME, I WANT HIM TO EXPERIENCE THE GREAT THINGS OF LIFE WITH ME, HOLDING MY HAND."

JULES -

"BUT LUCY, YOU CAN'T FORCE HIM TO. YOU CAN'T MAKE HIM DO SOMETHING HE DOESN'T REALLY WANT TO DO AND YOU CAN'T FORCE HIM TO BE SOMETHING HE ISN'T. YOU CAN ONLY LEAD AND CHOOSE YOUR OWN LIFE'S PATH. IF HE FOLLOWS YOU THEN GREAT, IF NOT THEN YOU KNOW YOU LEFT THE OPTION OPEN TO HIM AND IT WAS HIS CHOICE NOT TO JOIN YOU. GOD I HATE SEEING YOU LIKE THIS. JUST OPEN YOUR EYES AND BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE LUCY...NOBODY IS FROWNING ON YOU FOR THAT, NOT EVEN ANDY AS MUCH AS YOU MAY THINK HE IS. JUST OPEN YOUR EYES, SEE WHAT'S INFRONT OF YOU AND GRAB IT!"

LUCY - WRAPS HER ARMS AROUND JULES NECK AND HUGS TIGHTLY. SHE WIPES HER LAST FALLING TEAR AWAY.

"I WILL. I'LL OPEN MY EYES...IT MAY TAKE AWHILE BUT I WILL OPEN THEM."





FADE TO HOME
ANDREW AND LUCY ARE TOGETHER IN THE LIVING ROOM. YOU CAN TELL ALREADY THAT THINGS ARE TENSE.


ANDREW -

"YOU WHAT?"'

LUCY - TRYING TO KEEP CALM AS SHE DOES THE DISHES

"I SIGNED UP FOR SCHOOL TODAY."

ANDREW -

"WHEN WERE YOU PLANNING ON TELLING ME THIS?"

LUCY -

"JUST NOW."

ANDREW -

"HMM."

LUCY -

"HMM WHAT? YOU DON'T WANT ME TO GO?"

ANDREW -

"I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW YOU THINK WE ARE GOING TO AFFORD THAT, WE JUST BOUGHT THIS HOUSE YOU KNOW?"

LUCY -

"I KNOW. I JUST MADE MY OWN DECISION FOR ONCE. FINACIAL AID PAYS FOR A GOOD PORTION OF IT AND I AM ONLY TAKING NIGHT CLASSES SO I CAN STILL WORK AT THE DAYCARE. DON'T WORRY SO MUCH. I PLANNED IT OUT."

ANDREW - LAUGHS

LUCY STOPS DOING THE DISHES.

"WHAT YOU DONT THINK THAT I AM ACTUALLY CAPABLE OF MAKING ARRANGEMENTS FOR THINGS, FOR MYSELF?"

ANDREW - DOMINERINGLY

"WELL..."

LUCY - FURIOUS

"WHAT THE HELL ANDREW! GOD! YOU ARE SUCH A JERK SOMETIMES! HERE I AM PULLING MY FULL TIME JOB AND TRYING TO SQUEEZE IN SOME EDUCATION TO BETTER MYSELF AND OUR LIVES AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS DOWN ME FOR IT? THAT IS SO TYPICAL OF YOU. CAN'T YOU EVER JUST FOR ONCE BE HAPPY FOR ME? I KNEW TELLING YOU WAS A BAD IDEA, I KNEW IT! I WASN'T GOING TO SAY A DAMN THING UNTIL IT STARTED AND THAT'S NOT UNTIL AUGUST IN CASE YOU WANTED TO KNOW."

ANDREW - DUMBFOUNDED

"I JUST ASKED HOW YOU THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO PAY FOR IT. WHAT ARE YOU SO UPSET ABOUT?"

LUCY - DRYING HER HANDS ON A TOWEL

"DON'T PLAY THE DUMB CARD NOW ANDREW YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT UPSET ME. HOW YOU ALWAYS THINK I AM NOT CAPABLE. I AM VERY CAPABLE OF EVEYRTHING AND ANYTHING I SO DESIRE...I'VE PUT UP WITH YOUR BULLSHIT FOR FOUR YEARS HAVEN'T I?"
(LUCY STORMS OUT OF THE ROOM AND SLAMS THE BEDROOM DOOR)

PAN TO LUCY SITTING ON THE BED FUMING TRYING HARD NOT TO CRY. THE DOOR OPENS AND ANDREW WALKS IN.

ANDREW -

"I NEVER SAID YOU COULDN'T GO TO SCHOOL."

LUCY -

"NO, YOU JUST IMPLIED BASICALLY THAT I WAS TOO STUPID TO COMPRHEND THE FACT THAT WE HAVE A HOUSE PAYMENT NOW AND CAR PAYMENTS AND ANY OTHER PAYMENTS WE CONTINUE TO ADD TO THE BUDGET WE DONT HAVE! I DIDNT THINK THAT ME ADDING ONE THAT COULD EVENTUALLY PAY OFF AND MAKE ME BETTER AT SOMETHING WOULD BE SUCH A BIG DEAL...BUT IT'S OK, I CAN STILL BACK OUT NOTHING IS SET IN STONE YET."

ANDREW -

"YOU DON'T HAVE TO BACK OUT LUCY. YOU CAN GO TO SCHOOL. I WANT YOU TO.

LUCY - TRYING NOT TO FORGIVE

"COULD HAVE FOOLED ME."

ANDREW - APOLOGETIC NOW

"I JUST GET WORRIED LUCY, ABOUT HOW WE ARE GOING TO PAY FOR THINGS. YOU GOING TO SCHOOL IS NOT AN ISSUE. I AM GLAD YOU SIGNED UP TO GO TO SCHOOL, AT LEAST ONE OF US DOING SOMETHING WITH OUR LIVES."

LUCY - RELAXES AND SMILES SOFTLY

"I JUST DONT WANT TO END UP LIKE MY MOM AND DAD YA KNOW. I WATCHED THEM STRUGGLE TO PAY THINGS GROWING UP AND I VOWED FROM THEN ON THAT I WOULD BE SOMETHING SO I DIDNT HAVE TO FEEL THAT ANGUISH AND IRRITATION DAY TO DAY. SO THAT WHEN I HAD KIDS I COULD GET THEM THEIR NECESSITIES WITHOUT WORRY AND STILL BE ABLE TO GIVE THEM THINGS I DIDNT GET, LIKE GOING TO CAMP OR TAKING DANCE LESSONS. I JUST WANT TO BETTER ME, US."

ANDREW -

"I KNOW YOU DO."
(HE KISSES HER NECK AND THEN HER LIPS.)
"I LOVE YOU LUCY."

LUCY - RUFFLES HIS HAIR
"I LOVE YOU."
(SHE LEANS BACK AS ANDEW ROLLS ON TOP KISSING HER - THEY MAKE LOVE PASSIONATELY)

please tell me what you think...i am going to take it to my film professors once it has a little more to it, this is all i have so far...
~Lex~

"No day but today!" ~RENT~
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Postby JimCarrey1991 » Mon Aug 22, 2005 3:47 am

Good Job, i would give it a 8/10
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RE: SCREENPLAY

Postby babygirl_lace » Mon Aug 22, 2005 4:29 am

THANK YOU! THE BEST THINGS TO WRITE ABOUT SOMETIMES HAPPEN IN YOUR OWN LIFE!
~Lex~

"No day but today!" ~RENT~
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Great Job!

Postby Canadian Jayne » Fri Aug 26, 2005 4:56 pm

Makes me think about my own life.
Heck, I better get off the tread mill and do something.
Have a great day!
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RE: Screenplay.

Postby Countess Olafina squalor » Sun Aug 28, 2005 2:31 am

inspirational.
yours sincerly, Countess Olafina equalor
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Postby mav » Sun Aug 28, 2005 3:19 pm

It's good. Looks like the beginning of a story.

If it's the whole story, then it's a little confusing, because nothing much has happened. Just my 2 cents.
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