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quirky, your pain is deep and probably not understood (or cannot be understood) by people around you. Nevertheless you need to express it. And you do it with writing. Try writing in a diary too.....
You seem reluctant to move ahead. To resolve the past and think about the future is a tall order. Though I totally understand your intense need for it, I wish you could see that it's easier to take one day at a time and not think about the future. Keep yourself occupied... I don't care if it's knitting.
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